I can't believed I actually flared up for the most stupid reason. It was so childish. The worst thing is, I flared up at the person who loved me the most. My mum.
I don't know why did I do it. It was just a build up of unpleasant emotions and unwanted distractions. Sometimes, I think I take my mum for granted. She loves and cares for me so much, yet how did I treat her. I just taught my sunday school class about honouring your father and mother and here we have a negative example.
I just felt so weak after flaring up. I hate flaring up. It is just a sign of weakness. Contrary to common belief, flaring up is not a sign of strength but rather the feeling of vulnerability. It is the desperate need to be defend one's weakness when one finally breaks out in anger.
I am so selfish. I always care about my own emotions and neglect the feelings of others. This is especially so to the people that are close to me. I really hate myself for doing it. Really hate it. These are the times where you really feel like punishing yourself and hopefully the pain of punishment will remove the intense guilt in you.
But I am just not going to do that.
I've fallen in to Satan's first trap. Not going to fall into the second one.
The hardest thing to do is to say "I'm sorry." There is not one time whereby I can say sorry without any resistance. Satan hates these words and he'll go all out to prevent us from saying them.
But I'll do just that.
Help me out here LORD.