I am back again. Week after week the routine goes on and I guess I am more or less settled down. I am a bit sick. I finally contracted the tekong cough. 16km route march was horrendous. To think 16km so bad le, how many more route marches more in my NS life! Haha, I guess thinking of it doesn't help much.
Ironically, the 16km route march day was the happiest day in the week for me. That is because I received the news that I was offered a place in NUS Dentistry. Each year, 1000+ people apply for it. 300+ gets shortlisted, only 42 ends up taking it. What made me so special that God gave me this place? The whole month, He has been opening many doors for me. He is leading me. Really, I just trusted Him all the way and this is where He landed me in. I really believe that this is His will for me. We'll see where it leads...
Life is full of so much uncertainties. One day can change everything. One moment can define the rest of your life. Well, I guess keeping myself bothered is useless right. Any time and any moment God is in control. I am throwing live grenade soon... we'll see how it goes.
Haha! Finally back from another week in NS. Just read my previous entry. The english is horrendous! I have no idea why I wrote it that way. Maybe I was just too sleepy.
Anyway, I have been doing a lot of observations and thinking in NS(surprised?). I spent much time looking and observing what other people do. I came to one conclusion, self centred behaviour is a trademark of everybody.
When people are in need, you lay out your hands to help them. You lend them your equipment, you help them clean their area when they have to do some 'urgent' personal stuff. But when it comes to you asking them for a favour, they always have an excuse. "I am busy." or "I need to do my area cleaning ( didn't I just cleaned it for you?)" are some common examples.
Well, they do help you sometimes. But it is funny to find a certain pattern in that. Most of the time, you'll find them helping you only when the sergeants are around. Then I wonder, could this be coincidental? Maybe. After all, your sergeants are the ones that will give opinions to the PC as to whether you would be able to make it to OCS. Officers need to be kind and caring I guess? So you have to SHOW to the sergeants you are kind and caring.
I don't blame them, because I find myself starkingly similar to these people. One can never realise this until he or she brings himself or herself out of their own prespective. It is easy to look at others and find their faults. But it is not easy to do the same for yourself. It is easy to set standards for other people, but it is not easy to follow that same standard you set for others. Sometimes, I feel so ashamed when I realised that I help people not out of the heart of loving and caring for them but because I want to make myself presentable on their peer appraisal list. I find it disgusting when I know that I can go an extra mile for my poor tired friend there but I simply choose to ignore him. I myself am a strong opposer to hypocriticism. Yet, time and time again I find myself commiting the same mistake I do not approve. I am stuck in this irony, just like how Adam was in a dilema when Eve offered him the forbidden fruit.
All I know is that we humans are so self centred. Everything we do, there is bound to be a hidden agenda. An agenda that suits our thinking and our wants. We need to overcome this barrier. Come to think of it, much of the conflicts and sufferings we have stem from the simple, undesirable nature of selfishness.
If there is one that I would pray for, it would be to get back to the path of light, to God's own loving arms. Too many times I have disappointed Him, too many times I have hurt Him. I don't want to cheapen His grace, to trample on His mercy. As I head back to camp, I am determined to change this horrible side of me. I don't want to be just anyone. I want to be someone, someone that glorify His name to the fullest. Grant me the strength LORD...
I am back from my 6 days field camp in tekong. It has been my first field camp ever and I must say it is really an unforgettable experience. It was probably one of the worst 6 days of my life so far. And guess what, BMT field camp is supposed to be the easiest of all field camps in your army life. Nice... Can't tell you all much because SAF don't allow.
The first day was the worst of all. Carry a load of nonsense and march for a long dist. I had abrasion like crazy and it lasted for like almost 3 days. For 3 days I was walking like a penguin. The first three days I was sleeping in my Bahsha and it was bad. I didn't do my Bahsha properly as it was kind of saggy and the whole night I was like kissing the tent roof sheet. The ground was super uneven and that gave me tons of backache.
The next 2 days we had to dig something call the 'grave'. Yah, I had to dig my own grave and sleep in it. I must confess, I did a good job for this one and I had a really comfy sleep in the night. We just slept in the open grave and look up into the beautiful night sky. I slept so well that I snored like mad. It was kind of funny. My section mates thought there was a wild boar nearby then they were frightened. When they realised it was me, they laugh until they can't sleep. Even my sergeant couldn't take it. He said," I feel like punching you and stuffing socks into your mouth. You this kind of people cannot go on mission. Sure give enemy our position one." We are supposed to be tactical, meaning no noise and light at night. Apparently I failed for the first one. haha... So much for being the wild boar, that was funny...
The last few days I had very bad rashes. Man, not bathing for 6 days is horrible. We had camou cream on for 24 hrs and the feeling is horrible when you sweat.We also did some drills that are quite fun I have to say.
I must thank God for the weather. We did not have any rain until the very last day. The weather was very good and there was lots of wind. The last night is rain so heavily that my grave became a jacuzzi... nice. Our field pack was in it and everything was wet in mud. Luckily it was the last day and I don't need to use much of the stuff already. I heard from other people that they have rain for all their field camp. What more can I ask for. God really was with me there.
Overall, it is a tough and new experience. Though because I couldn't bathe and it was really uncomfortable. But all else. I believe I came out of this experience a stronger person. It really made me stronger. I believe that I endured this 6 days, what more can hurt me? Though the OCS ans SISPEC field camp are way tougher, but I believe that once I past this barrier of uncomfort due to not showering, the physical barrier is nothing to me. I believe I can do it. Bring it on man army.
Booking in for SIT test, going to outfield again. Not bathing for another 3 days. Nice. It is nothing. Really miss all my family and friends. Guys and girls out there, I really miss and love you all. Treasure those around you man... Girls, please understand your boyfriends if they can't spend time with you. You all will never understand the pain and stress your boyfriends are going through in NS. They need your support. I already have 2 section mates who have girlfriends breaking up with them. Please don't do this to your guys...
See ya all in another one week time. God bless... :)
我可能未成见过你清秀温柔的脸，
但我的灵已被你的心紧紧地牵着。
等待是痛苦也是甜蜜。
我深信我们有一天会相见，
手牵着手一起走到天涯海角，
忘记世间的喧嚣与烦恼。
你就是上帝赐我的宝贵礼物。
我要疼你，
我要保护你，
我要抹干你脸上的眼泪，
让你不在哭泣。
我要爱你。。。
我等着你，等待你步入我的人生。
让天上的月亮与星星作为我们的约定，
我等，我耐心地等，因为你值得我的等待。。。