Judegement...
How often have I judged you as a person?
How often have I judged you for the things you have done?
How often have I judged you based on my personal feelings?
Judgement...
Am I entitled to judge?
Who am I to judge?
Indeed. The judging heart of mine has surfaced again. I know not why I have become so judgemental nowadays. Come to think of it, I start to criticise and complain about the people and things around me. Maybe not openly but many a times silently inside my heart. I start to judge people, maybe because I myself feel like I am always being judged. Time and time again, I find myself being my snobbish self. No one sees it, but I keep on judging deep inside my heart.
I guess that's what happen when you stray away from God. Very often I find myself unable to talk to God. I find talking to Him a chore instead of it being a joy. I have not been doing my Quiet Time deligiently. I am just too tired to bother about Him.
I find myself walking blindly. I find myself not knowing what to do when things don't go my way. I find myself getting selfish and individualistic. I no longer depend on God to solve my problems.
I want to end this all. I want to come back to a heart of worship. I want to come back to you God. Forgive me for my transgressions.
To all those that I have judged and criticise, I apologise. To those who I've turned my helping hand away from you when you needed me, I seek your forgivness. Give me time to change myself.
Good bye judgement and selfishness...
Sometimes, I really wonder what kind of leaders is Singapore producing for the next generation. It is a rather worrying sight.
Today, I took a chartered bus to some place for some activity. Due to confidentiality, I am unable to tell you exactly everything, but that is not the point. I guess you all more or less know what I am talking about. Basically, I had to take a chartered bus to some place with my 'counterparts'. We had to board a very old bus. This bus is really really old. It looked like it came from the 80s. What disgusted me was not the way the bus looked but how some people behaved. It was disappointing.
Some passengers of the bus actually laughed and complained about the condition of the bus. They started cracking stupid jokes and making fun of the bus, all these being done in front of the bus driver. They complained like some whiny kids, all because a functional bus looks old. It reminded me about some time back when we chartered a bus too. My counterparts actually found the bus too hot and shouted at the bus driver in a bossy tone, " Uncle! On the air con leh!". I was shocked and flabberghasted at the way they behaved. A total no respect for the driver and a sad portrayal of one's character.
So what if you came from a premium institute? So what if you are deemed as the elite of the organisation? Your very behaviour is a disappointment to me. Not that it bothers me that you have a screwed up attitude as an individual but of the fact that you were supposed to be nurtured as a leader. So what if you are fit and you are smart? Such attitude is not befitting of a leader. Is this the best Singapore can produce?
As much as I am disgusted by this issue, I have learnt to remind myself not to commit the same mistakes. Constantly, I will remind myself not to behave in such an uncaring manner. My judgement is futile if I do not live up to it.
I continue to wonder, how much longer do I have to put up with this...
This few days passed by real fast for me. All thanks to National Day! I got to booked out because it is a public holiday.
Nothing much was done in camp. Had a test and some running and that's more or less about it. As the school term starts for many of my friends, they will be immersed back into their busy lifestyles again I guess. University is a period of discovery and change. Many of them will probably change a lot. Study hard, find a bf or gf, attend a CCA( there are so many of them!), it really seems like an exciting time ahead for them. Good luck to them!
As for me, day in day out I am doing stuff for the army. Enough of what I do inside as many of my previous post can testify for that. I just don't know what to say at times. My life is kind of getting routine. I find myself walking blindly, just really getting things done and over with. I have no time for friends and social life. The people I meet the most is probably my platoon mates. I guess we are like a band of brothers now. Day in day out suffering and enjoying the times with the company of each other. We all have the same experience and I guess that bonded us together. Really, we can only depend on each other in camp. We still have a long way to go. I have no idea what the future holds but I guess I am thinking less than I used to. Everyday, I'll just do the things I have to and that's it. I sleep and wake up the next day doing the same things. If it wasn't for my brothers, life would be so much more boring. We keep each other sane, seriously. Without them, I'll probably lose my interest in talking to people, haha.
Something is bothering me. In a few weeks time, on 22 Sept, it will be my OCS social night. I have yet to find a date and I am left with few options. Haha, that shows how much of a social life I have. Nothing could be more stressing than this. Haha. This is indeed a great challenge for me, but I'll find a way... :P
Ok, nothing much to blog. Basically, I am just a happy guy going about his own business nowadays. I find myself drowning into the crowd, forgotten. By the way, my thoughts seems to be a little disoriented. I left my brain in camp I guess. I apologize for that :P.
I see myself fading away......