I hate that feeling. It's been some time since I last felt it. I feel alone. When I say alone, I do not mean physical lonliness, I mean spiritual lonliness.
I hate it. I just hate it when I feel like God is nowhere in my life. The feeling is horrible. I do not enjoy His company any more. Not because I hate Him or what but He is just not there! I can't seem to find Him. I seem to depend less on Him nowadays. Sometimes I wonder, why is God not there anymore. Why isn't He talking to me. Even when I try to talk to Him, His whispers are just too soft for me to make any sense out of it.
Sometimes I just ask myself if my actions are glorifying Him any more. I missed the times where I just felt so confident in Him, I don't feel like that anymore. Negative emotions well up in me very easily nowadays. I used to give in to people, nowadays, I can't even take an insult. Where's there perseverance, where's that determination? Life seems so angsty to me.
I need to rekindle the lost flame. I need to do something about it. I know exactly where the problem lies, but I've just lost the discipline to it. I am both physically tired and mentally tired, yet, God's word is what I need. Prayer is just what I need. I know what to do, but my heart is weak and lazy, so much so I just compromise to what Satan wished I did. I need the discipline to pray and read the bible again. I have a lot of work to do to get back what I used to be. I will take this no longer.
I am determined to fend off Satan, no matter how hard it is. God, grant me the strength and discipline I need, I really miss you LORD...