It has been an eventful period for the past few weeks. I just got back from Brunei after attending the Jungle Confidence Course. I can't blog anything about it but I can tell you, I passed! So now, I have a JCC Badge upon my chest, Infantry Pride!
However, the greatest takeaway from this trip was not the badge itself. It was through this course that I really become more confident abour myself. I feel ever more stronger and tougher after all the gruelling experience. Sleeping alone in the rain takes much courage and endurance. I would say not many people will get the chance to do what I have done and it is something I'm really proud of.
As always, God never fail me. His strength was sufficient and His grace was plenty. Surprisingly, I didn't get much of a foot rot as some other people did. I didn't lose much weight either. I came out of the jungle injury free. For me, the course was rather smooth sailing. Though the weather was horrid, somehow I made it through, something that I myself find it hard to believe time and time again when I was stuck inside the horrible forest.
Nevertheless, the end of JCC means a step nearer to comissioning. For once, I can feel the 'Black Bar' within reach. I went to watch my friends' comissioning on the 15th of December. It was exhilarating. Knowing that I would be next makes me so excited.What seemed so distant 5 months ago seems so real now. What seemed impossible then seem so reachable now. A few more exercises and I am done. Very soon, I will be counting down to ORD, where I can finally do the things I really like and enjoy and not let my life be geared by some aimless situations.
Christmas is coming and 2007 is ending soon. This is just so freaky... 2007 felt like a month to me. A year never passed by so fast for me. Reflecting back upon this past year, some unknown emptiness just fills my heart. Something is missing. God seems to be missing. Admist the business, I chucked God to one side. God seemed so much like a commodity to me than a precious relationship. It feels horrible. It feels like God is walking behind me picking up the rubbish I am leaving behind, without saying a word while I totally ignore His existence. I took Him for granted, as though He was meant to clear up all my crap... that's all. My prayers became so routine and unsincere, always being rushed and seldom complete. Why? Why is this happening? The harder I try, the harder it gets...
This is going to stop. I need to find my way back to Him, I need to. All this time God has been very patient with me. I need to do something in return. God, this gonna be stopped. Help me......