Wednesday, January 31, 2007
I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am
And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home
To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord
So what could I bring
To honor your majesty
What song could I sing
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have
Is the life that you’ve given me
So Lord let me live for you
My song with humility
And Lord as the love song
Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to your name
To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord
And we lift these songs
To you and you alone
As we sing to you
In our praises make your home
To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Lately, I have been spending lots of time all by myself. Be it at home or taking long bus rides all by myself. The feeling is funny, sometimes fustrating.
I don't know about everyone else but lately, I have been missing the school days, or at least having the urge to participate in some activities that requires me to interact with people. I somehow feel fustrated, even to the point of despair when I find myself all alone. In other words, I feel lonely.
The irony comes when I look back at the times that I had during my schooling days. Back then, I always longed for the end of A levels and the start of this 3 months long break for me. I was fustrated then because I had so much work and things to do. Stress seemed to be piling up endlessly on me. On the contrary, I am fustrated now because I feel useless and aimless at times. I even come to the point that I wished that I was back in school now preparing for A levels and immersing myself in that demanding and stressful situation.
Can we ever(or can I) be satisfied on what we have? It seems to me that I've always demanded so much changes in my life. It seems that I have never been satisfied in the kind of lifestyle I have. It is like being a wet cloth hung out to dry and when it becomes dry, it is destined to become wet again. Satisfication. What exactly is that? Is it a hunger for stability or a hunger for change? Are we satisfied only when we find ourselves in a stabalised situation or are we only satisfied when we find ourselves in the state of change? I always like to quote this unknown saying, "The only thing that is constant in life is change." We change everyday. One day you find yourself becoming handsome and the next day, you find yourself older and wrinkled. As much as our surroundings change, so does our demands in life. But then I realised, if this carry on, I can never be satisfied! I will never be happy and contended with what I have!
This is a dangerous thing. Am I going to lead a life of sadness and unfufilled satisfaction and only to die feeling unaccomplished? That is something I never wish will happen. It opposes to what I've always believed in life, that is, to lead a fruitful life. I started to reflect on my state. I questioned myself as to why I am feeling like this? Is it because I lack a goal in my life? No. I always wanted to be a missionary doctor and be someone that can inspire and glorify God. This dream of becoming a doctor has always been with me since the age of 6. Then I realised why. Even though I had a goal in life, I did not alter my lifestyle to focus on acheiving this goal. To put it simply, during this period of time, I did not engage myself in things that will help me in acheiving this goal. I did not push myself hard enough into a lifestyle befitting to this goal.
One major flaw was that I seem to be falling away from my faith. Not so much to the extreme of not believing it but I find myself being less zealous for God. I find myself wanting to talk to God less. I find myself drawing away from God. I don't know how and I don't know why but I guess my relationship with God went on a downhill ever since my break up. I started doing stupid things that I have no idea why I am doing them. I find myself contradictory. How true to say that a man is dried to the bones if he does not have a lasting relationship with God. That is exactly how I feel. I feel so spiritually dry. Take away all the things that keep a man busy and you find him restless and aimless. He carries no hope at all because all that he hopes for is only in this life and they are taken away from him. This is a point of realisation. My relationship with God is now suffering a crack and I need to mend it. I want to fall back into His arms. I have no one to depend on but Him. He is my Rock and my salvation. All this while, it seems to people that I am a zealous believer of Christ. But a reality check within my soul shows that I am foolishly weak. I only pray that God strengthen me back into who I was and make me steadfast in Him.
All in all, I realised that satisfaction in life only comes about when you fulfill the following criteria:
1. You need to have a clear goal.
2. Your goal is stable, meaning, it doesn't change as and when you want it to.
3. Action must be taken to acheive this goal, otherwise, it is just another useless day dream. No changes or improvements in your life can be acheived if you don't execute your actions.
4. You must depend on something dependable in your life to fulfill this goal.
Hopefully, you guys will find this realization of mine helpful. May God bless you all! :)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
好久没有上网写博客了。我心里有好多的话要说。
近来，我一直在观赏一部非常出名的日本连续剧，片名为《一公升的眼泪》。看了这部连续剧后，让我感触良多。我得承认，作为一个男人，我从来没有那么动情过。我似乎忘了自我，让自己沉浸在一片虚假的爱情里。我仿佛爱上了剧里的池内亚也。她就是女主角。基本上，她是一名患了一种无法根治的疾病的少女。我忘了那病叫什么，那并不重要。重要的是，病魔很残忍。病人的小脑会在一段时间里缩小，以至病人慢慢地失去走路的能力，说话的能力，甚至进食的能力。病人也会突然之间因呼吸困难而去世。病魔的可怕在于这是一场慢性折磨，一个以现代医学来看，是一个没有希望的折磨。
少女是十五岁患病的。试想，年纪轻轻的她，哪儿来的勇气去面对如此残酷的事实？但是，让我非常佩服的是，她就是有了一般人没有的这股勇气。在她患病期间里，医生鼓励她每天写一篇日记，好让他监督她的病情。在病魔的折腾下，她一天一天地丧失写字的能力。但她依然坚持写下去，一直到她断气的那一天。她享年二十五岁。
故事围绕在她患病的期间所发生的点点滴滴。从中，我们可以感受到亲情，友情，甚至爱情。然而，爱情在里头是虚构的。她的母亲为了表达女儿在世时无法有男朋友的伤感，因此要求导演在剧里添加一名虚构人物，麻生遥斗，作为女儿的男友。这出戏的剧情，除了麻生以外，一切都是真实的！
然而，让我感到羞耻是，在看戏的当儿，让我最受吸引的不是少女的坚强，而是那虚假的爱情。我有如爱上了美丽的女演员。但我发现，演员的美丽，是来自于角色的坚强，加上演员的姿色，似乎塑造了一个完美少女，我心里渴望的爱情。亚也的真人不漂亮，演员的真人也并非戏里的单纯。我爱上的到底是美色还是品格？我喜欢上了一个虚拟的人物呀！可悲，可悲！
虽然如此，我的肤浅也并没有把我的眼与心灵蒙蔽起来。我也被池内亚也的乐观感动。我也被她周遭的亲情与友情感动。池内亚也的积极也让我重申我的人生观，好叫我积极与乐观地去看待生命，不要蹉跎岁月，好好利用在世上剩余的时光，照福人群。池内亚也短短的二十五年，给了不少患者启发与动力，也让许多人得到宝贵的提醒，生命是短暂也可以是很无情的。
在此，我想提醒大家，珍惜身边所有的一切，因为，上帝有权力随时将我们当为理所当然的东西夺走。我想感谢池内
亚也姐姐，也要感谢世上所有坚强活下去的人，你们是我生命的启发，愿我的慈爱阿爸天父永远祝福你们，爱你们。我也爱你们！加油！
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