Recently, I have been looking back at my life so far in HC. A good one in general I say.
I immersed myself in a memory flowback one day. I looked back at the times I had in orientation. It was very fun, VERY FUN. That was the most enjoyable part of my JC life I guess. It was then that everyone was without stress. It was then that everyone showed the happy side of themselves. It was then that everyone was in the mood of exploration, searching new discoveries in a new environment. Everyone was carefree. I enjoyed their company.
But as times goes, things seems to change for the worse. Competition starts to set in as we work hard for our tests and studies. I see the despising side of people swelling and oozing out of their mouths. Their words are like a rusty sword piercing into the hearts of others. They manipulate others. They exaggerate other people's mistakes to take comfort in themselves. They stab you in the back like your are a nobody. You realize being nice makes you a simple life form that can be easily trampled and thrown around. You are treated worthlessly...
Some people want you to conform with them. They pressurize you to be what you don't want to be. They criticize you, for the wrong reasons. Reasons like not going to the movie. Reasons like not playing soccer with them ( JUST AN EXAMPLE!! HAHA! No other intentions) Reasons like you are a Malaysian... What the? I mean what is your point? If you are a scholar, you are paid by the govenment here to study, not to play around. Naturally, these people will need to work harder to ensure that they do not fail and flop the trust that was given to them. I will respect them for their hard work and not criticize. I will not despise them for being what is commonly known as a MUGGER. I hate it when people say, " Bloody Malaysians/PRC..." Your point being? Your arrogance and ignorance makes me SICK!
I also hate it when people start criticizing and pressurizing other people for not going to class outings or what. I mean, you pass a paper around to ask people if they want to go. Thus, people have a choice. But when people get to choose to excercise their choice of not going, why start being an idiot and whine about the whole situation? It just shows the shallowness of your thinking state and maturity. I mean I may sound all too critical and exaggerating and I agree to that. But the point I am trying to bring out is something that is real and troubling me. I hold no grudge against anyone. I never hated anyone as people around me can testify to that. I never liked to talk behind people's back. I was never brought up to do that. I just hate the WHOLE SITUATION. I understand how people will feel sad and fustrated when you try to organise a class outing and bond the class together and no one really cares. But what I am trying to tell everyone is that don't start blaming the people around you. They might have their own reasons for that. Understand also the school we are in. Tons of people are aimming to get into difficult course like medcine. It is natural for them to work hard for their goals. Not many people can manage time and work SO WELL like YOU! You can acheive your goals easily not because you are better than the person but because you are blessed with something that some other people don't. It could be that you are given better focus or attention span. Good for you. But it brings you nowhere near in having the right to criticize others for not being able to acheive what you are able to. Treasure the time you have in class. Don't start giving people names behind their backs. Try to enjoy their company. Cause if you can't do that in class, what makes you think you will enjoy the time in class outings? We all have to understand this fact.
I have a classmate that is very good in his studies. 4 As all the time. That's how good he is. However, he is never proud. He is down to earth humble. In fact, he goes around helping students that are weaker. He don't criticize people for being not as good as him. I for one, is a weaker student in my class. He helps me out A LOT. I appreciate it. He even sets questions for me to practice! How nice to have such people around. I respect him a lot. Because he earned and didn't fight for it.
All in all, what I am trying to say is that we all have our strengths and weakness. Some of our strengths may look more significant than others while our weakness are more behind the scenes. But don't try to hurt others that are not as lucky as you. Because trust me, in this dog eat dog society, if you don't give people some slack to their weaknesses, when your turn comes, it will be much worse. Simple math. You, one person, irritates ten others, Each receive one person's worth of irritation. When the moment comes for them to irritate you, expect 10 times the irritation they receive. You like that? I don't...
Hmm... Just had this interesting thought yesterday as I took a bus ride home. It makes me wonder about the kind of fast paced life we are living. So fast that we don't even realise or have the time to realise the speed of society we are living in...
I boarded 67. The driver was good. Haha. Good in the sense that he drove rather fast. It is amazing that when you are in the bus, wanting to go home, you always love it when the bus driver speeds. On other times though, I'll just mumble to myself, what a mad driver, hope there isn't going to be an accident. By realising this thought to myself, I realised that I myself is part of this society whereby we yearn for things to be done quickly, in an efficient way.
Then, as the bus sped down bukit timah road, we passed by a bus stop. As we sped pass it, I caught sight of an old lady suddenly jerking up as though the seat was electrified. She waved frantically, but it was too late. The bus driver didn't notice and stop the bus for her. She must have been feeling rather fustrated. See what happens when you can't get your focus off the things you are looking out for? There you go... It disappears. Everything in this society is like zooming past us. If you aren't on a lookout for the things you are looking for, there it goes.
Interestingly, as we travelled futher down, the bus driver was speeding on. I was saying to myself, " That's so cool!! First time reach home so early, MUHAHAHAHA.." Just then, in a distance, I saw a woman in a bus stop waving for the bus driver to stop. But the bus driver was too pre occupied in his speeding that he drove pass the bus stop without even looking!!! I saw the woman's face of dismay. This time, the bus driver is the one not in alert. Imagine the demands of this society. You've got a job, you have to do it properly. No one can tolerate mistakes here. Imagine if the bus driver received a complain from his manager, he would have gotten a shelling. The society is unforgiving, many a times. You've got to learn to survive, by keeping yourself on your feet at all times...
I myself am feeling this kind of pressure. It isn't a good or bad thing. It is just something that we all have to face. Sometimes, it do suck the life out of me. I feel drained. But I will face up to it. This is what life is all about. Facing challenges, meeting demands. I would just really hope that through this entry, we will be able to slow ourselves down at times. Every morning, when I sit in my father's car, I would look up to the morning sky. So beautiful. I once heard from somebody that Singapore has the most beautiful sky in the world. I can't agree more to that. How often do you look up into the sky? Do you find yourself turning your heads frantically to the things around you that you seldom realise the beauty above you? Do you look for satisfication from the things AROUND you, rather than the things ABOVE you? Take a different prespective at times. Trust me, it is really refreshing and I enjoy it, very much......
"平静是生活的动力......"
quote: Lim Young :P
Thank you baobei... You gave me my strength. Your care transcends understanding. I love you...
Today had a match against Innova JC. It was a match that we could not lose and did not expect ourselves to lose. As things seems to go when they screw up, we lost. Lost 2 sets to 1.
The moment the final point was scored by their opponents, I fell down to the ground. Yes. Literally. My teamates had to pull me up. My heart was in total chaos. Never in my life had I fall on my knees involuntarily like that. My whole heart just crumbled. I collapsed in my soul...
As in volleyball, we play as a team, we lose as a team. I will not blame anyone or everyone. We did what we shouldn't have done and we deserve it. That is sports. Volleyball taught me to bring myself up face to face in failure. I am proud to say that I brought myself up quickly. I found my strength in God and he lifted me up. Thank God. Never in my life had I feel such a sense determination. I am impressed with myself. Seriously... I didn't expect myself to recover so quickly. Encouragement to my team! YES!! I NEED TO DO MY JOB AS A CAPTAIN!!! ENCOURAGE THEM!!
Good job Lim Young. I am proud of you. I finally understood the fact of knowing what is success only when you tasted failure. This is nothing Lim Young! What sought to destroy you can only make you stronger. I am proud of myself, really am.
Reality slaps me in the face. We have to win the next 2 matches. Mentality- NOT A CHANCE FOR THE OTHER TEAMS. Character- Determination to win and hunger to success brings you more than what you expect. Spirit- I hand it over to you Lord...
There are many things in my life nowadays that left me thinking. I realised that I have many things in hand and I am taking so much of them that some of them seems to be slipping off my loaded hand.
I have been playing volleyball since p2. 11 years in total. 11 years can be enough to raise a person up, it also can be enough to distort a person. I ask myself, what have I gained? Gold Medals? None. Friends? Some. Learning Experience? Many. Unhappiness? Loads of them. Don't get me wrong. I love this game down to the core. I never had enjoyed a game so much. But some things just seems to be bothering me. I see people chasing after things meaningless in this game. They chase after personal glory. They chase after authorithy. They chase after rebellion. They chase after many things, all at the expense of the enjoyment of this wonderful game. Sometimes, they robbed mine too... But who am I to say that others are the cause of my sadness? These things do happen. It is part of us. People don't see what I am trying to do to lead a team. But it's ok. Maybe I am more matured than the rest? Or maybe I am flawed as a captain, I lack the ability to lead? I choose to believe in the later. Only then, will I strive myself to acheive greater leadership qualities. It takes effort to bring a team of people together. I accepted the challenge, I guess I must live up to it. I will give in MY BEST! FAILURE WILL NOT STOP ME!
Thankfully, there are many things in life to be happy for. Such things are like flowers booming in an endless desert. They beautify the arid surroundings with unselfish commitment. My family, baobei, and TRUE friends. The last is hard to find as such people are willing to listen to you, not like some others who act as though they do. My true friends never lie to me. They should know who they are. To you people, I say a big thank you! But most importantly, I thank God. Yes, I always do it and people mock me. I don't care, cause they don't know how important God is to me. They mock me out of their own will. True friends don't do that.
Well, sorry for being so weird. These are just some of my subtle ways to express my deepest feelings. I sought not to be understood by selfish people. I only hope that they understood themselves better. I hope they do...
Changed to a NEW BLOG!! Apparently the old one cannot be viewed. :(