Today is an emotional day for me. It is my ORD. Today, I've officially regained my civilian status. Today, I've officially become an NSman. Today, I've put a full stop on one of the most important chapter in my life and a new one is beginning.
There are so many things going through my mind now. There are so many things I want to express. But there are just too many things for me to put them into words. My time in the army has been so rich, full of joy and pain. I don't think I'll ever get to experience so much things in just 2 years. They said national service changes a guy. Many people think it is nonsense. I don't agree. I've seen the change it has done to me. It has been amazing.
With so many things to say, I think it'll be easier if I could just theme this entry. I would say my NS experience is a time of many firsts. Let's begin with the sunny morning of 09th April 2007.
That morning, is a morning I can never forget. It was a morning of mixed emotions. For the first time in my life, I've never felt so confused. Much have been said and heard about the NS experience. I didn't know what to expect. Will it be enjoyable or will it be painful? Will I be able to pull through this 2 years. Many people told me not to worry because I don't have to worry. But still, worrying isn't much of a choice for me then. I couldn't stop worrying. My parents brought me to Pasir Ris Bus Interchange and over there were many sergeants politely ushering us to a bus that brought us to the SAF terminal. Little did I know that all these "polite" sergeants will soon be the first line that SAF has put in place in our lives to "tekan" us. I was soon brought to this place called "Botak Island". "Botak Island" was nice on first sight. It looked some what like a holiday chalet.
My parents and I were then having lunch at the cookhouse of "Botak Chalet". Sitting there seeing many other guys that are going into the same fate as me wasn't exactly helpful. All their faces were glum and sad. It was then that I bid my parents good bye. For the first time in my life, I will be seperated from my parents for more than 2 weeks. Knowing that it is on an island is not very helpful either. My parents left and for the first time in my life, I felt so alone. Alone with so many other people that were left alone too.
There were many other firsts in "Botak Island" too. But I can't share all the details. Soon, it was time to leave "Botak Island" into somewhere in the west. That somewhere is OCS. OCS is the climax of my training days in the army. It was a place where it pushes one to his limits. It is a place of self discovery for me. Again, due to the sensitivity of the content, I am unable to divulge the many firsts that I've experienced in OCS. But thank God for them. Because it was here that I've totally change the perception of myself. I was pushed beyond to what I can thought I couldn't achieve before I come into army. Before entering the army, anyone who can run a distance of more than 2.4 km was crazy to me. The 4.8km cross country run in high school was like THE CHALLENGE for me and I felt so good about completing it. When I came into OCS, they pushed me beyond what I thought was crazy. 5km, 8km, 10km. 10km endurance runs became like part of the training every week and soon, I became accustomed to it. Subsequently, in my days of officership, I went on to run the 21km half marathorn. Right now, I am training up for my first marathorn of my entire life. The Adidas Sundown Marathorn. Without all these training in OCS, I would never even dare to think about going for all these. But right now, I did beyond what I used to think was crazy.
OCS training also saw me going through many other firsts. I was thrown into a foreign jungle with a bunch of other guys and we were supposed to survive in it for 9 days. That was REAL jungle survival. Finding your way through the thick vegetation, drinking from river water, building your own shelter and also surviving 9 days with little food while carrying a very heavy load. When I say little I really mean VERY LITTLE food. Killing a cute bird by twisting its neck wasn't exactly very pleasant either. Its blood flowing out onto your hands. Never in my whole life then would I be expecting myself to be doing that kind of thing. Never! Seriously, that experience was once in a lifetime and nothing can describe it. That experience made boys like us cry when we exit the jungle! I didn't cry but I was so touched to see a bunch of army boys hugging and crying with each other the moment we stepped out of that hell like jungle. That experience made me so much more confident about myself. There is nothing I can't do. It is just a matter of whether my mind wanted to. Of course, God was with me. I really want to thank God that He gave me the strength to pull through the experience. I came out without a single injury. No exaggeration but people do die from that kind of training and it wasn't too long ago. I was worried of my safety but God was with me.
Then, there was the comissioning parade that saw me wearing such a nice military uniform for the first time. For the first time my parents came down to the parade square and put on my rank for me. It was a proud moment. You would feel like you are the coolest looking dude around wearing that uniform but then you realised there were hundred more others. And then there was the first time I attended a ball. It was my comissioning ball. Wearing the SAF No.2 uniform looks a bit funny at first but after a while, you'll actually find it quite nice. It was like a world of difference to the uniform I wore in the jungle a few months back then. That's the amazing thing about my stint in the army. It provided me with the most down to earth experience, to the splurging end of the experience spectrum. All within 2 years.
My stay in the army also humbled me a lot. You start to realise that you aren't actually as good as you think you are. People whom you never thought much of could actually surprise you big time. I started to get to know people I've never thought I would come into contact with. I get to know guys who had criminal backgrounds. I have to led men that some people think are beyond any control. But it was great to know them. You start to see the good in people. There is good in everyone of us. My men are my source of encouragement. Used to think it should be the other way around but reality proves us wrong sometimes.
There are really really much more things I would love to share but there are just too many of them! Today, as I stepped out of camp, I felt a sense of sadness. ORD is supposed to be a happy event for many people. But for me, it was an emotional one. There are many things that I don't want to leave behind. But everything have their place and time. What stays within the camps compound can't go out. But I know the memories will be with me forever. I'll not forget my days in the army. It's time for me to move on. I used to questioned God so badly why did He not let me get into Medicine and disrupt from army to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor. In retrospect, God seems to understands me the best. These 2 years have moulded me into someone I've never thought I would become. My mental strength is way stronger than what it was before. I start to see the bigger picture of things now. God has a better plan for me. I can see that it is way better than what I expected, which is why I am so looking forward to what is installed for me this year. I am so much more confident in Him that He will pull me through studies in Dentistry. Not quite something I would expect myself to be doing before but now, I really think it suits me better.
These 2 years will become the foundation for me for the next 4 years. God, you've put me here and I am going to run with you. I really want to thank You for the 2 years in army, because it made me a stronger and better person. You moulded me into someone You want me to be and not what I want to be. For all the past experience, may they be a testimony to Your love and grace for me. Thank You LORD.
The 2 years was great. Thank you SAF. :)
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